walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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