I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
