sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
