we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
