she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize