i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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