god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
