put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
