I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
