You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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