Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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