My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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