and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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