you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
