Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
