I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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