Your mouth is God's brothel.
Someone shit on the floor
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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