I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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