Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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