Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize