I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
