Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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