I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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