why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
foreskin is a definite game changer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
