OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
