If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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