It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
