Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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