My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
