Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
