Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
