he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
