i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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