Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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