i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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