I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
