Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
