I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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