so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
