i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
