C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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