it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
