dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
