guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
