Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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