i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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