is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
