Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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