Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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