32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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