u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A+ Viking dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
