Duck Duck Cougar?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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