I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
