My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
