arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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