Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
