My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
