He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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