She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
