I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
