i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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