Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
