My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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