I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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