Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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