is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
