he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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