Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
