So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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