i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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