You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
operation harelip BJ is a go
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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