He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize